courage

According to Wiktionary.org, courage is defined as the quality of a confident character not to be afraid or intimidated easily but without being incautious or inconsiderate; the ability to do things which one finds frightening.

I wish I had a bit of that.

Ho Hum

I am so close to waving a white flag when it comes to my exchange application. I want to go so badly and I've focused so blindly on the application process that one little misstep makes me want to tear my hair out. I've settled on a university (Clarkson University in College Town, USA) because I figured that would be an awesomely authentic experience and a major contrast to living in a city that seems more congested each day.

Who knows, I told myself, maybe I'll realise I'm some sort of outdoorwoman and learn how to kayak, ski and generally appreciate the great outdoors (my current version of the great outdoors is any decent Melbourne cafe with an outdoor seating area). I can appreciate nature. I promise. I mean, I loved the lemon tree when I was growing up...

My only problem now is the fact that I cannot, for the life of me, navigate the damn website. I cannot hand in a half-completed application without tentative subjects picked out. I swear, I have clicked on just about EVERY single link on the website. I even watched all the videos and visited related sporting websites to no avail. WHERE, OH, WHERE are the subjects?! It's like an itch that you just can't scratch but try so deperately hard to relieve.

Close, but no cigar

Kaput. Finito. FUCK.

After investing so much time and energy (a whole year's worth!) as well as letting my imagination run wild with visions of me chilling out at a psuedo-alternative hole-in-the-wall dive of a cafe with egghead New Englanders, enjoying debating everything from the merits of Anchorman to the state of international diplomatic relations, boozy nights and the ethereal world of high society where old biddies rule the roost, I was crushed today when I found out that my GPA was not high enough to get me halfway across the world and into the loving, gothic arms of the Boston College Admissions building.

My GPA was off by... ONE point. ONE fucking point. I have never hated the number so much in my life. One is supposed to be a good number! Being first in a race makes you the winner! Maybe if the gap wasn't so narrow and I was off by say, 10 points, I wouldn't have had a stroke. If it was off by 10 points, I at least could have consoled myself with the fact that I knew I didn't try hard enough. Off by one point... Geez, I KNOW I worked my poor arse off. And for what?

After sulking about it to a friend, who unwittingly called me during my mini-breakdown, I got my shizz together and went through the list of partner universities offered by my institution.

University of Arizona

• UA sounded good but deserty. It has a few things going for it though. It's a public school and therefore a party school. I like parties. Nicole Richie went there for a little while thus making it a party school of mythical proportions.
  
• It's a big, big school with plentiful resources and a good reputation.
  
• It's reputation as a sporty school was appealing because years of watching crappy Hollywood sport movies has embedded in me a desire to attend a pep rally and accuse a dumb jock of sexual harrassment.
  
• However, Arizona, as far as I know is one of those places where people pretty much rely on their cars to get from A to B andas a poor student in foreign climes, this would make things extraordinarily hard.
• The other thing that counted against UA was the fact that it was situated on the otherside of the country from New England. I have some sort of deep longing for the east coast. It must be the biddies and their high tea.

Clarkson University

• Potsdam, NY. While having an affinity for all things NY kitsch, my research on Clarkson (thank you wikipedia) didn't really do anything for me. I wasn't filled with a burning desire to pack my bags and runaway to a place that sounds like it's long been forgotten. I'm probably wrong. It could be the most vibrant city on earth but the college didn't sound at all appealing because of it's teeny tiny size (3 000 odd students, I believe).
• I'm simply not that desperate to be in the east.
  

Michigan State University

• Sounded promising. It's the eighth-largest university in the US and is considered a 'public ivy'. However, I do think anything and everything seems to warrant the 'something or other ivy' tag.
• I vagually recall Tim 'The Toolman' Taylor wearing a MSU college jumper or some other mid-western college jumper. This would count as a point towards MSU because I loved Home Improvement as a kid.
• It's history of activism impressed me. I probably wouldn't take part in it, but it's nice to know it's there.

Pennsylvania State University

• Hmm.. Penn State seems to come up in pop culture a lot - Chief Wiggum went there, it has a crazy long wikipedia entry and my favourite show at the moment is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The twins attended Penn State. Dennis did a psych minor and Dee did 3/4 of a psych major which kicks Dennis' minor any day.
• It has a Glee Club. I have no idea what a glee club is but it sounds wanky enough to be totally awesome.
• Penn State students host the world's biggest student-run philanthropic event in the world - a two-day dance-a-thon. I like philanthropy and I like dancing. Bring it on.
• And finally, it's location is almost perfect enough for it to work for me.
  

Back to the Daily Grind

I've been back at uni for about 4 weeks now and everything feels so crazy! I'm still getting over the fact that my mid-year holidays went by in the blink of any eye and now it's week 4! My mid-semester break isn't until week 11!!! GRR!!! AND there's no public holidays between now and November. DOUBLE GRR!!!

Last week was absolutely insane. I was running back and forth between campuses on Tuesday and Wednesday, trying to get all the necessary signatures for my exchange program application. From the moment I set foot on the main campus, I was on auto pilot and walking around in a triangles (From the arts building, to the main library to the campus centre and it was just back and forth, back and forth) for two hours. I finally realised I needed to pee BADLY when I was at the exchange office, standing in line and subconciously performing the pee dance. What a joy. Needless to say, I got everything in on time and it is such a relief! (Hopefully) Boston, here I come!

Uni has opened new schools at the Malaysia campus and its being actively promoted for those wanting to do an inter-campus exchange. I've realised I won't be too disappointed if I don't get into the uni in Boston because the uni is offering students free flights AND accomodation if they choose to go to Malaysia. That is over $5 000 worth of free stuff along with the usual $3 500 study grant given for intercampus exchange. The trip pays for itself. It would be freakin' amazing if I could go to Malaysia FOR FREE. All my savings would end up going into travelling expenses coz I'm damn sure I'd be spending every other weekend in the Philippines visiting all my family.

See ya!

You are my saviour. I was wondering around utterly and completely lost last year and then I met you. Uni was always so hard for me because I just didn't want to interact with people but eventually convinced myself that I must, so I spoke to you after class one day and I am glad that I did.

I am so thankful for everything you have done for me. I am so thankful for all the doors you have opened for me. I am so thankful for the friendship you extended to me. I thank my lucky stars that you consider me a good friend, because I have nothing but absolute respect and admiration for you.

You're spending the next year and a half abroad and I know you will have positive impact on the many people you will meet and even though I hate that you will be gone for a long time, I know this is what you must do. I wish you all the best.

A list

I'm a really big fan of lists. They're awesome and in the interest of clarity, they keep things simple. Therefore this entry will be a list of things that I have done/things that have occurred in the past month.

• One of my closest friends came back from abroad and is going back abroad on Monday for a year and a half.
• I have spent just about every waking moment with aforementioned friend.
• I become a paid research assistant for a pHD student at uni.
• I attended 4 birthdays, a housewarming, a potluck dinner and a bizarre 4th of July celebration.
• I have eaten a lot of chocolate.
• I have bought two new pairs of shoes.
• A couple of friends gave me a 21st birthday present 9 months after the fact.
• I was a special guest on my friend's radio show.
• I did a spot of volunteer work.
• I got the flu.
• I housesat.
  
• I reduced my carbon footprint.
  

This is it. A blog that I'm determined not to delete after 5 minutes. It's going to help me navigate my twenties, which means it has to exist for at least 9 years. Well, it has to exist until I at least turn thirty and that will happen in a little under 8 years and 3ish months.

We'll see how this goes!

Enjoy the ride...